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A few weekends ago some things popped up on my radar that had me feeling a little sad and bummed. The things that occurred were completely out of my control, and in the scheme of life not that big of a deal. Still I was upset by the occurrence. Some of which happened are way past due from getting even a thought of sadness from me, and some of it just felt like I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. For the following week things just spiraled. I knew the only thing that would make me feel better was to cry, yet I still refused to do so.

It is true when you have a negative thought pattern it just escalates, everything around you seems to bother you or happen to you. Finally something major did happen that following friday and I lost it. I called my mom sobbing… then laughing.. then crying again. Really it was an Oscar worthy performance. I was crying because I was sad, but also knew I needed to let out the frustration. Then I was laughing because what I was crying about I deemed not worthy of my tears. Suppressing my feelings from the prior weekend, not letting it out, I had no choice by to cry. One of the best things I have ever learned was emotions are just energy wanting to be released. We have different names for that energy– sad, happy, angry. When really all of it is just the same energy with different thought patterns. Knowing this you can change the name of the energy, change your thoughts, or find a way to release it. Crying is not being weak, it is simply releasing energy.

I really hate crying in front of people, even if it is tears of joy. I am a closet crier, meaning I prefer to wrapped myself up in my sheets and sob into my pillow than show anyone I am vulnerable and sad. This is due to when I was in high school while I was out with my friends and something happen (I don’t even remember what), and I started to cry. A friend of mine was pretty awful to me– calling me a cry baby. So I decided from then on it was better to hold everything in than to cry in front of people. Which is unhealthy and will do more damage than someone calling you a cry baby.

Somewhere in my adulthood I became a public crier. I cry at movies when it is either sad or happy. I have cried at work before and on my walk home from work talking to my mom on the phone when I couldn’t wait to reach my apartment. Heck I have even cried during a workout once or twice (I am looking at you SOS….). My eyes tear up when buying my parents mother/father’s day cards because I miss them. I have cried more times than I would like at a bar over some unworthy boy. I cry tears of joy when I land a dream collaboration or when LTK repost my pictures. I worked my butt off for the things to happen, so yes, I am going to cry when they do. My eyes even well up when I know I am in the middle of a pinch-me moment. My eyes watered when my friends and I drove around the Hamptons a month ago because I not only thought it was so beautiful, but I knew that weekend was going to been of the best weekends of my life. I felt truly grateful and so I shed a few tears.  I cry tears of joy when I see a picture of my adorable niece because, well, I love her and she is so stinking cute. So I guess my promise to myself years ago that I wouldn’t cry in public no longer exists. And that is ok. I am not ashamed of the tears I shed in public or in private. I am not saying to cry everyday at work or over every incident that does not go your way. Not even to whine and complain. There is a difference between whining and crying. And I am not saying to cry hysterically and cause a big scene in public either. I am saying when something really moves you both joyfully and/or unhappily, it is ok to shed a few tears. It means you are human with a big heart.

Us women try so hard to be this #girlboss, some strong figure. We can still be that while being sensitive and vulnerable. This all goes towards men too (in fact I find men more attractive when they are secure enough to cry over something that either pains them or makes them happy). I don’t know when we decided that crying is not ok. It is how we communicate as a baby when we have not yet learned to speak. It is how we show our feelings towards someone. It is how we express our grievances when a beloved one dies. Crying does not make you weak, it makes you stronger. To not cry and hold everything in will eat you alive. For me crying makes me happier because I release the emotion (energy). Go home and let it all out. It is ok to cry.

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